It's very interesting that I wrote my last post at that particular time. Jersey and I have been trying to get pregnant for several months, so I could have written that at almost any time. Instead, I happened to share it with the universe on that specific day. Well, just a few days later, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. Seven more tests followed (because I'm crazy and it was fun to see all of the positive tests lined up) and we were incredibly excited. My first prenatal appointment was scheduled at 9 weeks, and Jersey and I worked hard to keep our special little secret for a bit. I went to work that week and stayed as normal as possible, so that my mom and all of my coworkers wouldn't see right through me. Everything was going great.
Then, I miscarried.
When the bleeding first started, I panicked (duh!), but I also knew that many women experience some of that during the first trimester. I tried to stay as calm as possible, since I really didn't know anything yet. The following morning, my morning sickness kicked in and I became a hormonal mess. Between the uncertainty of the pregnancy and the fun of spending the morning on the bathroom floor, I kept crying. At that point, I knew I had to tell my mom...and let me tell you, it was not fun having to tell her that I was pregnant and that I might be losing the baby all in one sentence. I also scheduled an appointment to see a doctor asap. I had one blood test done then, with a second test four days later. Our appointment for those results was on Monday, though I already knew that it was over. I've gotten to know my body very well over the past year, plus the morning sickness had disappeared.
I'm doing much better now that the roller coaster has stopped. I'm the type of person who likes information and plans, so I'm thrilled to be past the "I don't know what's happening" stage. I also came to the important realization that I really don't like the doctor with whom I spoke. My regular doctor is on maternity leave, so I switched to this replacement, but I'm looking forward to switching back as soon as possible. This doctor was nice enough, but I honestly felt like I knew way more about my body and how we are conceiving (which is obviously not traditional) than she did. She gave me questionable advice, and I'm glad I've done enough research to feel secure in ignoring her.
So, now I have an appointment with the nurse practitioner who is known as the office's "fertility expert" and I am ready to pick her brain. Jersey and I plan to start trying again as soon as my body gets back to normal. I'm very much looking at the bright side of all of this...now I know that I can get pregnant, which was a big question mark before my miscarriage. Also, now that I've miscarried, I can go to the doctor as soon as I get pregnant again, so that they can help boost my hormone levels and keep an eye on me.
The bottom line is that I'll be fine and this is something that happens to a lot of women, even if most don't talk about it. It really sucked when I was in the middle of it, but I'm glad that I can look forward. Plus, I know that when I have my baby in my arms, there will be no doubt that he/she is the baby I was supposed to have. My time will come.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
Where is the Freakin' Stork?
First comes love, then comes marriage...now we want a baby carriage. From the time we were little kids, both Jersey and I have known that we want to be mothers. Before we met, we had individually come to the conclusion that we would even be single mothers if it came down to that. Fortunately, we fell in love and got married, so we don't have to go down that road. Instead, we can share in the joys of mommyhood and we're eager to do so.
About a year ago, I started doing research into how to get knocked up (given the obvious obstacle of being married to a woman). I am one of those types that loves to gather LOTS of information, so that I can make very informed decisions and have time to digest every step along the way. I started charting my cycle and my basal body temperature (there's an app for that!) and registered with a cryobank. Jersey and I read through the profiles of many donors and made a list of ones we liked. I visited my doctor for my annual exam and told her of our intention to use donor sperm to get pregnant in the privacy of our own home. We got hitched and looked forward to our new journey...
...which is so much harder than we thought it would be.
It's not that we expected that we could just buy a vial of the stuff, say abracadabra, and be done with it. We knew it could take few attempts. Still, I'm a healthy 31-year-old from a very fertile family and I have a predictable cycle. More than that, I DID MY HOMEWORK AND I AM DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT! Ah, yes, the perfectionist in me can't stand that I'm really up against something over which I have no control. Okay, I have some control, but it's becoming clear that my eggs and some little frozen swimmers did not pay attention to my many months of research. I don't like that (though I know it's a great peek toward the future baby who will also fail to read the instruction manual). I stopped drinking alcohol after our honeymoon, I've cut back on caffeine, I'm taking a multi-vitamin with extra iron and folic acid, and I've returned to my weekly yoga class. My body is ready...where's the baby?
Recently, a friend/co-worker announced her pregnancy. I knew that she and her hubby had been trying for baby #2 for a while, so it wasn't a total shock. What was a surprise was the instantly awful feeling of jealousy. I am not a jealous person at all and my reaction truly bothered me. I mean, I get it. It's something that I want to announce. She beat me to it and that bummed me out. Still, I am not proud of feeling so upset by it. Then, to top it all off, she miscarried and is now back to the same point I'm at. Yeah, that made me feel pretty rotten, too.
So, we've spent thousands of $$$ so far (vials, shipping, insemination kits, ovulation tests, etc.) and there's no bun in the oven yet. We get discouraged every time this doesn't work, but are keeping a positive attitude about it as much as possible. I'm in the process of making an appointment with my doctor, just to put my mind at ease about anything being physically wrong. We know that plenty of couples take a long time to get pregnant, but it sucks when we have to pay so much to try each month, so we'd rather make sure that there aren't any hidden problems. Honestly, despite the semi-negative tone of this little rant, we know that this will happen for us. There isn't a doubt in our minds that we will be mommies. It's just frustrating buying little vials of frozen goodies instead of using that money for a snazzy stroller or adorable baby bedding. We're ready for our little one, but patience is a virtue.
Right?
About a year ago, I started doing research into how to get knocked up (given the obvious obstacle of being married to a woman). I am one of those types that loves to gather LOTS of information, so that I can make very informed decisions and have time to digest every step along the way. I started charting my cycle and my basal body temperature (there's an app for that!) and registered with a cryobank. Jersey and I read through the profiles of many donors and made a list of ones we liked. I visited my doctor for my annual exam and told her of our intention to use donor sperm to get pregnant in the privacy of our own home. We got hitched and looked forward to our new journey...
...which is so much harder than we thought it would be.
It's not that we expected that we could just buy a vial of the stuff, say abracadabra, and be done with it. We knew it could take few attempts. Still, I'm a healthy 31-year-old from a very fertile family and I have a predictable cycle. More than that, I DID MY HOMEWORK AND I AM DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT! Ah, yes, the perfectionist in me can't stand that I'm really up against something over which I have no control. Okay, I have some control, but it's becoming clear that my eggs and some little frozen swimmers did not pay attention to my many months of research. I don't like that (though I know it's a great peek toward the future baby who will also fail to read the instruction manual). I stopped drinking alcohol after our honeymoon, I've cut back on caffeine, I'm taking a multi-vitamin with extra iron and folic acid, and I've returned to my weekly yoga class. My body is ready...where's the baby?
Recently, a friend/co-worker announced her pregnancy. I knew that she and her hubby had been trying for baby #2 for a while, so it wasn't a total shock. What was a surprise was the instantly awful feeling of jealousy. I am not a jealous person at all and my reaction truly bothered me. I mean, I get it. It's something that I want to announce. She beat me to it and that bummed me out. Still, I am not proud of feeling so upset by it. Then, to top it all off, she miscarried and is now back to the same point I'm at. Yeah, that made me feel pretty rotten, too.
So, we've spent thousands of $$$ so far (vials, shipping, insemination kits, ovulation tests, etc.) and there's no bun in the oven yet. We get discouraged every time this doesn't work, but are keeping a positive attitude about it as much as possible. I'm in the process of making an appointment with my doctor, just to put my mind at ease about anything being physically wrong. We know that plenty of couples take a long time to get pregnant, but it sucks when we have to pay so much to try each month, so we'd rather make sure that there aren't any hidden problems. Honestly, despite the semi-negative tone of this little rant, we know that this will happen for us. There isn't a doubt in our minds that we will be mommies. It's just frustrating buying little vials of frozen goodies instead of using that money for a snazzy stroller or adorable baby bedding. We're ready for our little one, but patience is a virtue.
Right?
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