Where is the Freakin' Stork?

First comes love, then comes marriage...now we want a baby carriage. From the time we were little kids, both Jersey and I have known that we want to be mothers. Before we met, we had individually come to the conclusion that we would even be single mothers if it came down to that. Fortunately, we fell in love and got married, so we don't have to go down that road. Instead, we can share in the joys of mommyhood and we're eager to do so.

About a year ago, I started doing research into how to get knocked up (given the obvious obstacle of being married to a woman). I am one of those types that loves to gather LOTS of information, so that I can make very informed decisions and have time to digest every step along the way. I started charting my cycle and my basal body temperature (there's an app for that!) and registered with a cryobank. Jersey and I read through the profiles of many donors and made a list of ones we liked. I visited my doctor for my annual exam and told her of our intention to use donor sperm to get pregnant in the privacy of our own home. We got hitched and looked forward to our new journey...

...which is so much harder than we thought it would be.

It's not that we expected that we could just buy a vial of the stuff, say abracadabra, and be done with it. We knew it could take few attempts. Still, I'm a healthy 31-year-old from a very fertile family and I have a predictable cycle. More than that, I DID MY HOMEWORK AND I AM DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT! Ah, yes, the perfectionist in me can't stand that I'm really up against something over which I have no control. Okay, I have some control, but it's becoming clear that my eggs and some little frozen swimmers did not pay attention to my many months of research. I don't like that (though I know it's a great peek toward the future baby who will also fail to read the instruction manual). I stopped drinking alcohol after our honeymoon, I've cut back on caffeine, I'm taking a multi-vitamin with extra iron and folic acid, and I've returned to my weekly yoga class. My body is ready...where's the baby?

Recently, a friend/co-worker announced her pregnancy. I knew that she and her hubby had been trying for baby #2 for a while, so it wasn't a total shock. What was a surprise was the instantly awful feeling of jealousy. I am not a jealous person at all and my reaction truly bothered me. I mean, I get it. It's something that I want to announce. She beat me to it and that bummed me out. Still, I am not proud of feeling so upset by it. Then, to top it all off, she miscarried and is now back to the same point I'm at. Yeah, that made me feel pretty rotten, too.

So, we've spent thousands of $$$ so far (vials, shipping, insemination kits, ovulation tests, etc.) and there's no bun in the oven yet. We get discouraged every time this doesn't work, but are keeping a positive attitude about it as much as possible. I'm in the process of making an appointment with my doctor, just to put my mind at ease about anything being physically wrong. We know that plenty of couples take a long time to get pregnant, but it sucks when we have to pay so much to try each month, so we'd rather make sure that there aren't any hidden problems. Honestly, despite the semi-negative tone of this little rant, we know that this will happen for us. There isn't a doubt in our minds that we will be mommies. It's just frustrating buying little vials of frozen goodies instead of using that money for a snazzy stroller or adorable baby bedding. We're ready for our little one, but patience is a virtue.

Right?