It's very interesting that I wrote my last post at that particular time. Jersey and I have been trying to get pregnant for several months, so I could have written that at almost any time. Instead, I happened to share it with the universe on that specific day. Well, just a few days later, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. Seven more tests followed (because I'm crazy and it was fun to see all of the positive tests lined up) and we were incredibly excited. My first prenatal appointment was scheduled at 9 weeks, and Jersey and I worked hard to keep our special little secret for a bit. I went to work that week and stayed as normal as possible, so that my mom and all of my coworkers wouldn't see right through me. Everything was going great.
Then, I miscarried.
When the bleeding first started, I panicked (duh!), but I also knew that many women experience some of that during the first trimester. I tried to stay as calm as possible, since I really didn't know anything yet. The following morning, my morning sickness kicked in and I became a hormonal mess. Between the uncertainty of the pregnancy and the fun of spending the morning on the bathroom floor, I kept crying. At that point, I knew I had to tell my mom...and let me tell you, it was not fun having to tell her that I was pregnant and that I might be losing the baby all in one sentence. I also scheduled an appointment to see a doctor asap. I had one blood test done then, with a second test four days later. Our appointment for those results was on Monday, though I already knew that it was over. I've gotten to know my body very well over the past year, plus the morning sickness had disappeared.
I'm doing much better now that the roller coaster has stopped. I'm the type of person who likes information and plans, so I'm thrilled to be past the "I don't know what's happening" stage. I also came to the important realization that I really don't like the doctor with whom I spoke. My regular doctor is on maternity leave, so I switched to this replacement, but I'm looking forward to switching back as soon as possible. This doctor was nice enough, but I honestly felt like I knew way more about my body and how we are conceiving (which is obviously not traditional) than she did. She gave me questionable advice, and I'm glad I've done enough research to feel secure in ignoring her.
So, now I have an appointment with the nurse practitioner who is known as the office's "fertility expert" and I am ready to pick her brain. Jersey and I plan to start trying again as soon as my body gets back to normal. I'm very much looking at the bright side of all of this...now I know that I can get pregnant, which was a big question mark before my miscarriage. Also, now that I've miscarried, I can go to the doctor as soon as I get pregnant again, so that they can help boost my hormone levels and keep an eye on me.
The bottom line is that I'll be fine and this is something that happens to a lot of women, even if most don't talk about it. It really sucked when I was in the middle of it, but I'm glad that I can look forward. Plus, I know that when I have my baby in my arms, there will be no doubt that he/she is the baby I was supposed to have. My time will come.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
Where is the Freakin' Stork?
First comes love, then comes marriage...now we want a baby carriage. From the time we were little kids, both Jersey and I have known that we want to be mothers. Before we met, we had individually come to the conclusion that we would even be single mothers if it came down to that. Fortunately, we fell in love and got married, so we don't have to go down that road. Instead, we can share in the joys of mommyhood and we're eager to do so.
About a year ago, I started doing research into how to get knocked up (given the obvious obstacle of being married to a woman). I am one of those types that loves to gather LOTS of information, so that I can make very informed decisions and have time to digest every step along the way. I started charting my cycle and my basal body temperature (there's an app for that!) and registered with a cryobank. Jersey and I read through the profiles of many donors and made a list of ones we liked. I visited my doctor for my annual exam and told her of our intention to use donor sperm to get pregnant in the privacy of our own home. We got hitched and looked forward to our new journey...
...which is so much harder than we thought it would be.
It's not that we expected that we could just buy a vial of the stuff, say abracadabra, and be done with it. We knew it could take few attempts. Still, I'm a healthy 31-year-old from a very fertile family and I have a predictable cycle. More than that, I DID MY HOMEWORK AND I AM DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT! Ah, yes, the perfectionist in me can't stand that I'm really up against something over which I have no control. Okay, I have some control, but it's becoming clear that my eggs and some little frozen swimmers did not pay attention to my many months of research. I don't like that (though I know it's a great peek toward the future baby who will also fail to read the instruction manual). I stopped drinking alcohol after our honeymoon, I've cut back on caffeine, I'm taking a multi-vitamin with extra iron and folic acid, and I've returned to my weekly yoga class. My body is ready...where's the baby?
Recently, a friend/co-worker announced her pregnancy. I knew that she and her hubby had been trying for baby #2 for a while, so it wasn't a total shock. What was a surprise was the instantly awful feeling of jealousy. I am not a jealous person at all and my reaction truly bothered me. I mean, I get it. It's something that I want to announce. She beat me to it and that bummed me out. Still, I am not proud of feeling so upset by it. Then, to top it all off, she miscarried and is now back to the same point I'm at. Yeah, that made me feel pretty rotten, too.
So, we've spent thousands of $$$ so far (vials, shipping, insemination kits, ovulation tests, etc.) and there's no bun in the oven yet. We get discouraged every time this doesn't work, but are keeping a positive attitude about it as much as possible. I'm in the process of making an appointment with my doctor, just to put my mind at ease about anything being physically wrong. We know that plenty of couples take a long time to get pregnant, but it sucks when we have to pay so much to try each month, so we'd rather make sure that there aren't any hidden problems. Honestly, despite the semi-negative tone of this little rant, we know that this will happen for us. There isn't a doubt in our minds that we will be mommies. It's just frustrating buying little vials of frozen goodies instead of using that money for a snazzy stroller or adorable baby bedding. We're ready for our little one, but patience is a virtue.
Right?
About a year ago, I started doing research into how to get knocked up (given the obvious obstacle of being married to a woman). I am one of those types that loves to gather LOTS of information, so that I can make very informed decisions and have time to digest every step along the way. I started charting my cycle and my basal body temperature (there's an app for that!) and registered with a cryobank. Jersey and I read through the profiles of many donors and made a list of ones we liked. I visited my doctor for my annual exam and told her of our intention to use donor sperm to get pregnant in the privacy of our own home. We got hitched and looked forward to our new journey...
...which is so much harder than we thought it would be.
It's not that we expected that we could just buy a vial of the stuff, say abracadabra, and be done with it. We knew it could take few attempts. Still, I'm a healthy 31-year-old from a very fertile family and I have a predictable cycle. More than that, I DID MY HOMEWORK AND I AM DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT! Ah, yes, the perfectionist in me can't stand that I'm really up against something over which I have no control. Okay, I have some control, but it's becoming clear that my eggs and some little frozen swimmers did not pay attention to my many months of research. I don't like that (though I know it's a great peek toward the future baby who will also fail to read the instruction manual). I stopped drinking alcohol after our honeymoon, I've cut back on caffeine, I'm taking a multi-vitamin with extra iron and folic acid, and I've returned to my weekly yoga class. My body is ready...where's the baby?
Recently, a friend/co-worker announced her pregnancy. I knew that she and her hubby had been trying for baby #2 for a while, so it wasn't a total shock. What was a surprise was the instantly awful feeling of jealousy. I am not a jealous person at all and my reaction truly bothered me. I mean, I get it. It's something that I want to announce. She beat me to it and that bummed me out. Still, I am not proud of feeling so upset by it. Then, to top it all off, she miscarried and is now back to the same point I'm at. Yeah, that made me feel pretty rotten, too.
So, we've spent thousands of $$$ so far (vials, shipping, insemination kits, ovulation tests, etc.) and there's no bun in the oven yet. We get discouraged every time this doesn't work, but are keeping a positive attitude about it as much as possible. I'm in the process of making an appointment with my doctor, just to put my mind at ease about anything being physically wrong. We know that plenty of couples take a long time to get pregnant, but it sucks when we have to pay so much to try each month, so we'd rather make sure that there aren't any hidden problems. Honestly, despite the semi-negative tone of this little rant, we know that this will happen for us. There isn't a doubt in our minds that we will be mommies. It's just frustrating buying little vials of frozen goodies instead of using that money for a snazzy stroller or adorable baby bedding. We're ready for our little one, but patience is a virtue.
Right?
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Ten Things Tuesday - Wedding Music Edition
Yes, I've completely slacked on my duty to update you all on the wedding festivities. Yes, I have a lot to share. Yes, I'm still delaying a real post about the hoopla. Instead, here is a list of ten songs featured on our wedding day...and a few random pics.
1. "Canon in D" (Pachelbel) - This was the song played as our immediate family was seated prior to the ceremony. It also showed that, really, this was a pretty "traditional" wedding.
2. "Power of Two" (Indigo Girls) - We chose this as the song to be played as our bridal party (our sisters were our maids of honor and our best friends were our bridesmaids) walked down the aisle. It also showed that, really, this was a marriage of two chicks.
3. "Songbird" (Eva Cassidy) - I had known for years that I would walk down the aisle to this song (specifically the Eva Cassidy cover, despite the fact that there's nothing really wrong with the Fleetwood Mac original). Jersey was still trying to find a good song, so I just went about my business and played "Songbird" while she was deciding. When I looked up, she had happy tears running down her face and the most loving look in her eyes. I asked if she wanted to share my walking-down-the-aisle song, and she said yes.
4. "I Gotta Feeling" (Black Eyed Peas) - We really liked the idea of having all sorts of lovey-dovey songs playing as our guests arrived. Plus, we had the above-mentioned songs for the ceremony. So, when it was time to pick a recessional, we knew we wanted to change the tone and start the party. Alas, this was the perfect transition.
5. "I Kissed a Girl" (Katy Perry) - Immediately after the ceremony, our guests went inside for hors d'oeuvres and we stayed outside for pictures; this was our introduction song when we entered the reception. Originally, we were going to give out cherry Chapstick favors, but didn't think many people would get the reference.
6. "Feels Like Home" (Chantal Kreviazuk) - This was our first dance as wife and wife. :) We did a very simple "hug and sway" type of dance...then our bridal party and parents joined in and it was a very cute moment.
7. "Tangled Up Puppet" (Harry Chapin) - This is a song that Jersey's dad played for her all the time when she was little, so it was the perfect sentimental choice for the father-daughter dance. I stood off to the side to let them have their moment, but when he realized that I wasn't dancing with anyone, he let her go and pulled me in for the second half of the song.
8. "Single Ladies" (Beyonce) - Okay, this is totally the obvious choice for bouquet toss songs, but I like it. It's just catchy (pun intended) and fun.
9. "She's a Beauty" (The Tubes) - This is a guilty pleasure song of mine; it would be my theme song if I had one. You can't take all the lyrics literally, but parts of it are quite the ego boost. Anyway, I wanted to work this into the reception, so it was the garter retrieval/toss song.
10. "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" (Pat Benetar) - Cake.smashed.into.face.
1. "Canon in D" (Pachelbel) - This was the song played as our immediate family was seated prior to the ceremony. It also showed that, really, this was a pretty "traditional" wedding.
2. "Power of Two" (Indigo Girls) - We chose this as the song to be played as our bridal party (our sisters were our maids of honor and our best friends were our bridesmaids) walked down the aisle. It also showed that, really, this was a marriage of two chicks.
3. "Songbird" (Eva Cassidy) - I had known for years that I would walk down the aisle to this song (specifically the Eva Cassidy cover, despite the fact that there's nothing really wrong with the Fleetwood Mac original). Jersey was still trying to find a good song, so I just went about my business and played "Songbird" while she was deciding. When I looked up, she had happy tears running down her face and the most loving look in her eyes. I asked if she wanted to share my walking-down-the-aisle song, and she said yes.
4. "I Gotta Feeling" (Black Eyed Peas) - We really liked the idea of having all sorts of lovey-dovey songs playing as our guests arrived. Plus, we had the above-mentioned songs for the ceremony. So, when it was time to pick a recessional, we knew we wanted to change the tone and start the party. Alas, this was the perfect transition.
5. "I Kissed a Girl" (Katy Perry) - Immediately after the ceremony, our guests went inside for hors d'oeuvres and we stayed outside for pictures; this was our introduction song when we entered the reception. Originally, we were going to give out cherry Chapstick favors, but didn't think many people would get the reference.
6. "Feels Like Home" (Chantal Kreviazuk) - This was our first dance as wife and wife. :) We did a very simple "hug and sway" type of dance...then our bridal party and parents joined in and it was a very cute moment.
7. "Tangled Up Puppet" (Harry Chapin) - This is a song that Jersey's dad played for her all the time when she was little, so it was the perfect sentimental choice for the father-daughter dance. I stood off to the side to let them have their moment, but when he realized that I wasn't dancing with anyone, he let her go and pulled me in for the second half of the song.
8. "Single Ladies" (Beyonce) - Okay, this is totally the obvious choice for bouquet toss songs, but I like it. It's just catchy (pun intended) and fun.
9. "She's a Beauty" (The Tubes) - This is a guilty pleasure song of mine; it would be my theme song if I had one. You can't take all the lyrics literally, but parts of it are quite the ego boost. Anyway, I wanted to work this into the reception, so it was the garter retrieval/toss song.
10. "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" (Pat Benetar) - Cake.smashed.into.face.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Time Flies
Well, I had every intention (road to hell, blah blah) of writing much more before my wedding. That's totally not happening. My life has been a whirlwind lately...a good whirlwind, but a whirlwind nonetheless. Work has been incredibly busy and we've been wrapping up wedding details, plus family is arriving. I made it through last week without an anxiety attack, which was pretty impressive. Now, I am living it up this week and enjoying every minute up to, and including, Saturday's wedding.
I'll be posting pictures and filling you all in on more details after things calm back down.
I'll be posting pictures and filling you all in on more details after things calm back down.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Monday Meme
I stole this, as is true of most of my memes, from Mrs. Chili.
1. How old will you be in five years? I will be 36 and that's so strange to me.
2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today? Jersey is too obvious, so I'll go with my new "boss" at work. I'm sure a post regarding my latest occupational adventure will be coming soon.
3. How tall are you? I say 5'5", though I am technically 5'4 3/4".
4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks? Um, my wedding and honeymoon.
5. What’s the last movie you saw? 2012...I love me some John Cusack, but the movie was a general disappointment.
6. Who was the last person you called? My mom
7. Who was the last person to call you? Jersey
8. What was the last text message you received? Jersey asked me what time I would be home from work.
9. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail? I don't remember, but it was probably one of my idiot co-workers/clients. And I say idiot because all the smart ones know to reach me via email.
10. Do you prefer to call or text? Text, text, text. I've never liked to talk on the phone, even when I was a teenager. I actually panic when I have to make phone calls, and I usually ignore the phone if it rings (unless it's someone I know very well).
11. What were you doing at 12am last night? I was sound asleep. Long gone are my night owl years. I doubt I'll see another 12am until I am up with a newborn.
12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced? They divorced after 20+ years of marriage. My dad has since passed away and my mom is single.
13. When is the last time you saw your mom? This afternoon. She and I work together, which is awesome.
14. What color are your eyes? Blue-green. I'd say they are slightly more blue, but they become very green if I wear green.
15. What time did you wake up today? A little before 7:00am, and that's with no alarm. For those who don't know me well, that's an amazing feat. I am not a morning person, but I've worked hard to train my body.
16. What are you wearing right now? Jeans, my Angels jersey, and my Angels hat. It's baseball season's opening day!
17. What is your favorite christmas song? O Holy Night
18. Where is your favorite place to be? I love being at home. Oh, but I also love hotel rooms.
19. Where is your least favorite place to be? Hard to say...stuck at a red light? Or in a long line? I'm impatient.
20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere? So many places. Seattle, San Francisco, Southern California, anywhere tropical, New York City, New England. I'm not terribly picky.
21. Where do you think you’ll be in 10 years? NOT in Las Vegas. Probably living in either Seattle or New England, raising 2 kids with my beautiful wife.
22. Do you tan or burn? Mostly burn. I've learned to stay out of the sun, or at least cover myself in sunscreen.
23. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? I don't remember being afraid of much.
24. What was the last thing that really made you laugh? Jersey makes me laugh all the time. Sometimes we wonder if we're too silly because our laugh to cry ratio is about 100:1.
25. How many TVs do you have in your house? 3...the pretty plasma HD in the living room and older ones in the bedroom and office.
26. How big is your bed? It's a queen, but we plan to upgrade to a king when we move in a few years.
27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer? Both. The desktop is in our home office and the laptop travels with me to work and back.
29. What color are your sheets? Where is #28? Anyway, currently, we are using our navy blue jersey sheets. As the weather warms up we will be switching to our lavender and white plaid sheets.
30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2...one under my head and one to hug.
31. What is your favorite season? Probably autumn.
32. What do you like about Autumn? It's just a cozy time of year. I also love pumpkin spice lattes, football season, and the baseball playoffs. I'd love the leaves, if I lived somewhere that had any pretty ones.
33. What do you like about winter? More coziness. Lots of family time. Scarves. The quiet of snow (if we ever get any). I guess everything just seems slow and peaceful.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
23 Days and Counting
Wow, I have been gone a very long time. I don't know that anyone will even read this, but I've wanted to write for quite a while...so here I am! There's a ton of stuff about which to fill you in, but I'll try to keep it simple for now. The biggest thing going on? I'm getting married in 23 days!
Yes, yes, yes, Jersey and I did get married in September. That was our legal ceremony in Massachusetts and it was very important and special to us. Having said that, we call that our "legal & unofficial" wedding. On April 24, she and I are having the big hoopla, full of family and friends, pretty gown, fresh flower, open bar "non-legal & official" wedding. We have lots of family and friends coming in from hundreds or thousands of miles away. The past several weeks have been full of hectic planning, but I am trying to enjoy every second of it. Here are some highlights:
- I go to pick up my wedding gown tomorrow. Just a few short months ago, I did not fit into the dress at all. Not even close. About a month after that, the zipper was still a few inches short of it's destination. Another month later and I actually fit into it perfectly. Yes, it took a lot of eating right and working out, but I got into the dress! It's currently having a bustle added to it, and I'm excited to get it back (if for no other reason than the fact that it's become a nice weight loss measuring tool).
- Jersey and I decided to pay to have our hair and makeup done by a professional. It took a while to come to that conclusion, because neither one of us is the type to spend that much effort on our physical appearance and we don't want to look like clowns on our wedding day. Still, we figured that it would be nice to be pampered that afternoon. I did lots of research and read reviews and finally booked a stylist. Fortunately, I also scheduled a trial run, so that we could make sure the stylist understood what we want. Two (yes, two) no-call/no-show appointments later, I fired the stylist and had a minor panic attack about what we would do on semi-short notice. Lucky us...a coworker of mine used to be a professional stylist and she jumped at the chance to help us out.
- We planned to celebrate our honeymoon in Lake Tahoe, CA. Basically, we were just going to rent a small condo within walking distance of the shoreline, so that we could relax and have a very peaceful week to ourselves. There weren't any big plans involved...just hanging out on a blanket by the water. Sounds nice, right? Well, it was perfect until Jersey and I saw a commercial for an Eagles concert here in Las Vegas. Jersey is a HUGE Eagles fan and she has always wanted to see them perform live. The teeny tiny problem was that the concert is the same night as our wedding. So, I quickly put together honeymoon plan B. The Eagles are in concert in Seattle on May 13, the Angels are playing the Seattle Mariners on May 9, and we were already planning to visit Seattle later this year. It's nice when the universe helps out.
- My sister did a kick-ass engagement photo shoot for us and we are putting a couple of those pictures in a signable frame to use in lieu of a wedding guest book. As her gift to us, she also going to frame some of our favorites so that we can put them around the house. Jersey and I are pretty awful at printing and displaying pictures, so we are excited to have some great ones to hang up.
- It will be great to have so much of my family together at such a happy time. My aunt (my mom's sister) passed away in November and many of us gathered in Texas for her funeral. Obviously, that was a tough time for everyone involved and it was especially hard for me to see my grandparents mourn the loss of their daughter. After that, I wasn't sure if many of them would be able to make it to my wedding. My family is in Texas, Illinois, California, and Canada, and after all of the time and money they had spent during my aunt's illness, I just didn't think that a Vegas weekend would be feasible. Apparently, they decided otherwise...my grandparents, two uncles (including the one who just lost his wife), and at least three cousins will be attending the wedding.
Okay, I've babbled enough for now. I know that I'll have plenty to say as we wrap up the details and I continue to stress. Plus, there's all sorts of other fun to talk about. My work is crazy busy, Jersey and I are hoping to start a family soon...life rocks!
Yes, yes, yes, Jersey and I did get married in September. That was our legal ceremony in Massachusetts and it was very important and special to us. Having said that, we call that our "legal & unofficial" wedding. On April 24, she and I are having the big hoopla, full of family and friends, pretty gown, fresh flower, open bar "non-legal & official" wedding. We have lots of family and friends coming in from hundreds or thousands of miles away. The past several weeks have been full of hectic planning, but I am trying to enjoy every second of it. Here are some highlights:
- I go to pick up my wedding gown tomorrow. Just a few short months ago, I did not fit into the dress at all. Not even close. About a month after that, the zipper was still a few inches short of it's destination. Another month later and I actually fit into it perfectly. Yes, it took a lot of eating right and working out, but I got into the dress! It's currently having a bustle added to it, and I'm excited to get it back (if for no other reason than the fact that it's become a nice weight loss measuring tool).
- Jersey and I decided to pay to have our hair and makeup done by a professional. It took a while to come to that conclusion, because neither one of us is the type to spend that much effort on our physical appearance and we don't want to look like clowns on our wedding day. Still, we figured that it would be nice to be pampered that afternoon. I did lots of research and read reviews and finally booked a stylist. Fortunately, I also scheduled a trial run, so that we could make sure the stylist understood what we want. Two (yes, two) no-call/no-show appointments later, I fired the stylist and had a minor panic attack about what we would do on semi-short notice. Lucky us...a coworker of mine used to be a professional stylist and she jumped at the chance to help us out.
- We planned to celebrate our honeymoon in Lake Tahoe, CA. Basically, we were just going to rent a small condo within walking distance of the shoreline, so that we could relax and have a very peaceful week to ourselves. There weren't any big plans involved...just hanging out on a blanket by the water. Sounds nice, right? Well, it was perfect until Jersey and I saw a commercial for an Eagles concert here in Las Vegas. Jersey is a HUGE Eagles fan and she has always wanted to see them perform live. The teeny tiny problem was that the concert is the same night as our wedding. So, I quickly put together honeymoon plan B. The Eagles are in concert in Seattle on May 13, the Angels are playing the Seattle Mariners on May 9, and we were already planning to visit Seattle later this year. It's nice when the universe helps out.
- My sister did a kick-ass engagement photo shoot for us and we are putting a couple of those pictures in a signable frame to use in lieu of a wedding guest book. As her gift to us, she also going to frame some of our favorites so that we can put them around the house. Jersey and I are pretty awful at printing and displaying pictures, so we are excited to have some great ones to hang up.
- It will be great to have so much of my family together at such a happy time. My aunt (my mom's sister) passed away in November and many of us gathered in Texas for her funeral. Obviously, that was a tough time for everyone involved and it was especially hard for me to see my grandparents mourn the loss of their daughter. After that, I wasn't sure if many of them would be able to make it to my wedding. My family is in Texas, Illinois, California, and Canada, and after all of the time and money they had spent during my aunt's illness, I just didn't think that a Vegas weekend would be feasible. Apparently, they decided otherwise...my grandparents, two uncles (including the one who just lost his wife), and at least three cousins will be attending the wedding.
Okay, I've babbled enough for now. I know that I'll have plenty to say as we wrap up the details and I continue to stress. Plus, there's all sorts of other fun to talk about. My work is crazy busy, Jersey and I are hoping to start a family soon...life rocks!
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