Ten Things Tuesday

I've been a fan of Cory Booker (Mayor of Newark, NJ)  for quite some time.  I consistently find myself smiling at something he's done or said.  While I'm aware that he's 1) human and 2) a politician, I get a sense of authenticity from him that is severely lacking in our world.  His intelligence, humor, humility, and honesty are all traits to be admired.  Mayor Booker is often asked, "What are you going to do about X, Y, and Z?"  How does he respond?  "I will do this and that, but I can't do it alone.  What will YOU do to help?"  I could go on and on, but I'll just give you this list of ten things I love about Cory Booker.

1. He’s a real-life hero, saving a neighbor from a burning building.  He also helped out at the scene of a car accident, though that’s probably more common that crawling through flames.

2.  He has publicly refused to perform any marriage ceremonies until everyone has the right to marry.

3. He graduated from Stanford, which is also the alma mater of my super cool sister.  He also gave a pretty cool commencement speech there.

 

 4. When a group wanted to interview him, they offered a $250 donation to Newark schools in exchange for his time.  He agreed to the interview and said that he would match the donation…but he didn’t stop there.  He challenged his Twitter followers to donate to Newark schools and matched them, raising approximately $17,000 in three hours.

5. 

6. He admits that he has an ongoing, passionate love affair with Ben & Jerry’s ice cream.  Mmm, ice cream.

7. In the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, when power had been restored to his home, he invited neighbors without power to use his house for food, warmth, and a place to charge their phones.  He was too busy working to be at home, but figured someone should take advantage of the electricity he had.

8. When a follower recently tweeted about transgender friends who were nervous about moving to Newark, he offered to call them personally in an attempt to assuage their fears.

9. He recently invited a Twitter follower to join him in a food stamp challenge, to encourage better understanding the difficulties of a system criticized by so many.

 

10. “Go out there and swear to this world your oath, not with your words, but with what you do. Not with your hand over your heart, but with your hand outstretched to a world that desperately needs your hand, your help, your insights, your creativity, your honor, your courage. It needs you.”

A New Home

So, I had a nice “rant” post planned in my head, but I decided to honor the Thanksgiving holiday and save it for next week.  Instead, here’s something for which I am grateful…

Before I get to my main point, I'll give a bit of background info. Both of my parents were raised in families that did not identify with any religion, never attended church, etc. When my parents were in their early 20s, they decided to be baptized Catholic. As luck would have it, they met each other right around that same time, ended up getting baptized together, and then got married in the Catholic Church.

My sister and I were raised Catholic...Baptism, First Communion, Confirmation...the whole shebang. We were both active in our church youth groups. I ended up attending a Jesuit university. My sister is now a teacher at a private Christian school. Suffice it to say that our faith has always been a key part of our lives. Jersey was also raised Catholic, up to a certain point. Long story short, some family circumstances caused her to back away from the Church for a while, but she has been ready to return in recent years. We have had MANY discussions about religion and how we plan to raise our children.

For the past several years, I have looked for a local church that feels comfortable to me. The church in which I was raised in CA was always a place of calm, love, and peace. I really felt great being there and considered it home. I've struggled terribly to find anything like that here. In addition to the general "empty" feeling I've gotten from the churches I've attended locally, I began to question whether the Catholic Church was really the best place for us. After all, would a same sex couple (and their kids) be welcome? There is a local church with a gay and lesbian ministry...but I'm not sure I want to be peripherally accepted as part of a fringe group (freak show?).

I began to look elsewhere and found a local Episcopalian church. It's an amazing feeling when something just feels right, like it's the obvious thing that was missing. I was welcomed with open arms and lots of smiles. While I have no doubt that there are Episcopalians who are against my marriage (and I know for a fact that there are Catholics who support it), it's nice to feel like there is an overall INclusive atmosphere, instead of an EXclusive fear.

I've been attending this church for several months and many moments have warmed my heart, with a insistent message of “ALL are welcome.”  Back in July, my favorite sermon was given.  You can read it in its entirety here, but I will quote a couple of my favorite parts.

By classifying people, we sort them into two categories. Us and them. If they are like us, well they can’t be all bad can they? But if they are not like us, they are the other. And if they are the other, then they are not us. And if they are not us, well they really don’t measure up do they? And if they don’t measure up, then we are able to treat them shabbily. We can look down upon them, laugh at them, cheat them, beat them, enslave them, even kill them, because, after all, they are not like us. They are different.

And…

When we see these things happening, or even worse, when we find ourselves doing these things, I urge you to remember Paul’s words to the church in Ephesus. Jesus didn’t come here to create divisions but to heal them. We are not in the church by our own will, but by God’s. We are not a club or a benevolent organization or a fraternity or sorority where we get to decide who is and who isn’t a member. We are decidedly not the Kiwanis club with hymns. We don’t get to review the qualifications of a potential member and decide if they have what it takes to be part of our club. For we are members of a church created by God and it is He and He alone who decides who is a member. And he decided that we all are. For all are welcome in God’s church.

And…

At the general convention our church decided to approve a blessing for same sex unions. I know this is a controversial conversation as many people have strong feelings one way or the other. But it should not surprise anyone that our church decided to take this step. For if we didn’t, we would be failing in our mission to love one another. Jesus didn’t ask us to judge one another, but to love one another. That is what we are doing. We are not setting criteria for membership and deciding who can and who can’t be part of God’s love. We are simply doing what Jesus did. Accepting people and loving them as He found them. This is what we have done for years. From the acceptance of black people, to the role of women in the church, to the conversation about same sex couples, I am proud that our church has always chosen to stay true to our foundational principles. That we should love God and love our neighbors. That is the church I want to belong to, and that is the church I want my children to be part of.

On this Thanksgiving, I am so glad to have found this new home.

Our Past Selves

About two months ago, I received a Facebook friend request from a familiar name from my past.  There’s not much that really shocks me in life, but there was definitely a moment of surprise as I realized that I was being contacted by the man to whom I lost my virginity.  He was a coworker of mine the summer before I went away to college; I was 18 at the time and he was significantly older.  He was also my manager and I was the restaurant hostess (some stereotypes are true!).  We had a summer fling before I packed up my stuff and moved across the country.

I had no hesitation in accepting the friend request.  I followed that up by browsing through his pictures, noting that he is now married with three kids and still lives in Southern California.  It wasn't long before I received a message from him with a quick hello and surprised congratulations on my marriage (the surprise was fair enough, given that his experience with me didn't exactly indicate that I’d be married to a woman).  We chatted back and forth a bit, simply updating each other on the significant events in our lives…no big deal.

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, he brought up our past.  He said that he wasn't sure whether my wife was reading his messages (she wasn't) , or whether she even knew about him (she does), but that he felt awful about everything that had happened and wanted to apologize to me.  Honestly, I was probably more surprised by his apology than by the friend request.  First, I was the one who initiated our entire encounter 15 years ago.  I approached him, I told him what I wanted, and I explained that it would be a no-strings-attached fling.  Second, while I completely understand that the experience wasn't really the way a “first time” should go (no romance, no magic, not even an actual relationship), I have never regretted what we did.  Not for a second.  In fact, I’m still proud that I felt like I was in control of my decision and that it was never something that just happened to me.  I’m not sorry.

We discussed his worry that he has taken advantage of me; I told him that I understood where he was coming from, but that I had never felt that way about it.  I pointed out that many (most?) 30-something men would react the same way to an eager 18-year-old.  He held to his apology, telling me that I was a tremendous young woman back then and that he hoped I had gotten great things in life.

I reflected upon my utter naiveté about the whole situation and laughed (groaned? rolled my eyes?) at how little I knew about physical/emotional entanglements.  Back then, I thought I was so mature and understood so much.  Looking back, I was ridiculous.  He assured me that we’re all pretty different from who we were 15 years ago.  I think he intended to show me that I shouldn't be so hard on myself for being a silly teenager; I turned it back on him so that he would let himself off the hook a bit. 

It also made me think about how much we are always changing.  I mean, 10 years ago, 5 years ago, 1 year ago…I was not the same person I am today.  It’s actually funny to imagine the things I would tell my past self, and even more interesting to think of things that I would intentionally withhold from myself.  What should I have known then, and what was I better off not knowing?  I may shake my head at that inexperienced girl, but she did pretty well all by herself.  I’m not sure I’d change a damn thing.