This past weekend, a friend of Jersey's came into town for an overnight visit. I had only met him once before, but I had no problem opening up my home to him and going out to a fun dinner on Saturday night. The three of us had a few beers, some really good food, and then a debate that I did not see coming. The subject of same sex couples having kids came up...more specifically, the subject of it being wrong for same sex couples to have kids was brought up by this friend. Now, he knows that Jersey and I want kids, so I was interested in knowing what his particular issue was. I think Jersey was nervous that the conversation would get ugly, but I stayed very calm. It freaks people out when I do that.
His opening was along the lines of "gays shouldn't have kids because they just have kids to show them off and it's damaging to the kids."
Huh?
My response to that was quite simple. "There are, unfortunately, plenty of straight people who do that, too. It's not a gay trait. It's an obnoxious person trait." I then pointed out plenty of examples of parents who live their lives vicariously through their children, parading them around like show ponies, sometimes not even wanting them in the first place. I don't doubt that there are same sex couples who do this, but that has nothing to do with sexual orientation.
Then he reiterated his point about the kids getting "messed up" by gay parents. I told him that, to my knowledge, no psychological study has shown any inherent damage to kids raised in a same sex household. In fact, everything I've ever heard points to a slight edge in compassion and emotional resilience, simply due to increased awareness of sensitive issues. His response was that those studies have only been done since the early 90s, so they don't really prove anything. I ignored the obvious rebuttal that, if they've only been done in the past 15 years (which I doubt, but I don't have the facts), they also don't prove his point. I'd actually go so far as to guess that 15 years is enough time to see signs of emotional damage, if it actually exists.
He seemed to be running out of steam, and not that interested in fighting with someone who wasn't taking the bait. He said that none of it was meant to be a personal attack against us.
I let the argument fade, but it's been on my mind. How sad it is to think about having children when these opinions, and worse, are out there...but how happy I am to plan for my future and the babies Jersey and I will raise.
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4 comments:
People run out of steam when their arguments don't hold water and someone with intelligence replies. Most people he talks to probably just either agree or don't have a response.
Quite rude of him to bring it up to you.
As for the opinions that are out there, they ARE out there, but there are many without them. Just educate your kids to be aware.
When I was growing up, the part of the country in which I lived was sort of behind times with interracial couples. They were relatively "new" 30-35 years ago. I remember my parents saying out loud in front of me, "It's fine if they want to be together, but if they have kids, the kids suffer because they do not fit into any group." Hmmmm.... don't you think saying that in front of your children might ENCOURAGE them to think something is wrong and not let the offspring of said couple fit in? I was wise enough even as a child to see that, so just blew it off. But I think people may react the same today to same sex couples. Awareness is your best friend so you can prepare you children. And hopefully by the time they come around, there will be just a few more enlightened souls out there.
Hi, I found your blog via your sister and have enjoyed the read...
You go girl. It is all about a child being loved, nurtured and supported in the home and sexual preference has absolutely nothing to do with it. Straight parents are perfectly capable of screwing up a child completely.
Stopping by to say "hi" very cool website!
I think your title of this post should have been "an unexpected punch in the nose" he definitely deserved one. But then again that wouldn't really prove your point, but might have made you feel better.
This kind of thing makes me crazy.
I see so many - SO MANY - really dreadfully dysfunctional families. Never is the parents' sexual orientation brought up. You're absolutely right - the quality of a person determines their quality as a parent - sex has nothing to do with it.
Good for you for staying calm. I'm not sure I wouldn't have verbally bitch-slapped the dope.
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